My affair with talent

Talent is one thing which I have never possessed in my life. My parents always used to say, in fact, are used to saying that there has never been a dud like me in the whole family. And I have been trying to make up for it throughout whatever life I have had. And there is no need to say I have failed miserably every time. I find it a miracle that I have made it so far in engineering. As I was saying, I have goofed up every time I tried to do something clever. So I thought if I give my parents a talented daughter in law perhaps that will make them happy. And so my affair(s) with talent began.

First up I thought that talent meant getting good marks. So I started to look up for the most intelligent girl in my class. And there she was! She was always the topper from my class (I won’t name her for obvious reasons). With her thick glasses and a large load of books on her shoulder, she wasn’t exactly the most beautiful girl, but as I said, very ‘talented’. And you won’t believe my luck; she fell for it (I later discovered it was because no other boy liked her)! So we started going out. I overlooked any whispering and giggling, when we passed by any group, very righteously and contemptuously. I made myself believe that they all were jealous of me. But to be honest, being with her wasn’t really exciting. She kept talking about books, subjects and marks (I hated the last part). She also vowed that she will make me study harder (I shuddered) and help me get good marks. But I endured. But finally when she proposed I had to let go. She said, “You are as inevitable to me as a human skeleton is to biology” (my friends still double up with laughter when I tell them this story). Considering my thin body (I would prefer to call it slim), I wondered whether I literally was important to her in the same way (considering her inclination towards medical science). And so, as I said, I let go. Later I remember overhearing her talking about ‘an excellent chance gone begging’.

Then I started looking for other girls who may be talented. And then I thought I had found the ‘Miss Perfect’ for me. She was the best in athletics in the whole school and also in the district (I never believed the latter). Again she was not the most attractive around but ‘talented’ nevertheless. So one day I asked her for a date and guess what, she said yes ( I later found out that it was because no other boy asked her out as she was taller than all of them)! Being with her wasn’t much fun either. She kept talking about people like Carl Lewis and Sergei Boobka (Who the hell was he? Or she?). She was also a health freak. After looking at my thin (slim) body she put me on a strict fitness regime to improve my health. As a result my weight dropped further. The regime became even harder. And I became even thinner (Slimmer). But when on a Valentine’s Day she proposed I had to let go. She said she loved me and added that “I will do everything in my capacity to make you as strong as Arnold Schwarzenegger” (Friends react in the same way as in the last case). I later heard that she referred to me as ‘that skinny street dog’. But I could put up with that so long as I did not have to do 25 push-ups and deeps each.

So this time I told myself that I have to be more careful. I did not want to mess it up again. I again started looking for ‘talented’ girls. This time I was a bit choosier, so I let pass many of the girls. And then I settled on one. She was strikingly beautiful and extremely good at music. She could not only sing very well but also play a handful of instruments like flute, veena, tabla, harmonium and saxophone (I like the sound of that).
So I found it surprising that she was still single (I was to learn the reason later on). So when I asked her out she agreed and I was overjoyed. And so our affair started. I was amazed to know that her whole family was made up of musicians and singers. Then when she told me that her family wanted a son in law (Wasn’t she being a little too fast?) who was good at music too, I was alarmed. But I thought I could do it. So, she forbid me from eating any sweets, from drinking soft drinks and obviously no oily stuff was allowed (how I missed butter chicken!). I kept my nerve. I went on through all the boring chats about classical music and even more boring music lessons she gave me on our dates ( Can you imagine that! Lessons on a date!). And obviously I wasn’t improving at all. So when she said while proposing that she will make me a great singer even if “I have to make you stand in cold water on freezing winter mornings” I had to say no thanks (For this one friends sympathize).

By now I somehow had a reputation of dumping girls so no one else accepted my proposals anymore. This way my affair(s) with talent was abruptly halted. But I have not given up. In fact if you are a talented girl reading this, will you go on a date with me?