ATTJC - Chapter 4

I waited impatiently and kept staring at the school gate. My father was late, just a little, but late nonetheless. It was the last day of my annual exam and a couple of months of summer break and exciting jungle adventures awaited me. I looked around myself for something to pass those interminable minutes with. Some of the boys were playing their own games but they bored me. There weren’t any girls there. There were scarcely few in my school to begin with and most of them didn’t take their education seriously enough to bother about exams. And there was no girl – I swelled up with pride – in middle school where I would be heading provided I managed to pass my exam.

I extracted my father’s pocket watch from my school bag to check the time. No other student – girl or boy – was afforded this rare luxury by their parents. Even some of the teachers consulted my watch to notify students about the time left for the exam. I was also the only kid in the entire district to have a bicycle, for that matter – my father told me so. I snapped shut the flap of the watch and replaced it in my bag. My father was more than a little late now and that made me a little restless, but it didn’t affect my overall cheerful mood. He would be here shortly, I was sure. And I was proved right for he showed up in a couple of minutes profusely apologizing for being late. I just turned on my best smile and said, “It’s OK.”

He looked at me skeptically and made an exaggerated show of being concerned by touching my forehead and neck and asked, “Are you all right? I mean you are feeling well?”

“Of course I am all right…”

“Ohh, got it. Your exam wasn’t so good, is that it? Don’t worry I won’t be angry.”

“Stop it, Baba. What’s gotten into you?”

“I was just surprised that you didn’t get angry at me being late or throw any tantrums. So, I just thought, you know, that perhaps everything wasn’t all right…” the mischievous glint in his eyes gave his mock concern away.

“You are lucky that I am in one of my better moods today” I said as we got into the car. And then I couldn’t hide my excitement any longer, “I am just so excited for the coming holidays! I cannot wait to see Siddharth again. And Sai’s 4 new cubs, I haven’t seen them at all. You will take me to see them? You have been keeping track of them, right? I just cannot wait for our jungle trips to begin again.”

But instead of the usual affectionate encouragement, my father cleared his throat nervously. “I am sorry sweety. This time around I will not be able to accompany you around the jungle. At least not during the beginning.” He paused as I looked at him disbelievingly, “I have to go away for a while.”

“But then, what about your rounds? What will happen to those animals if you are not around to look after them? Who will stop those animal killers?”

“Ratan will assume my responsibilities while I am away.” Ratan Shekhawat – Ratan uncle – was my father’s deputy in the forest department. “But hey, you can always go with him when he is doing the rounds. But you must promise that you will behave like a good girl.”

“Which means stay in the jeep and don’t be too nosy.” I had been to the jungle with Ratan uncle a few times before. “How is one supposed to have fun sitting in the jeep?”

“Oh, I am sure it was because you were a little girl back then. Now that you have grown up, he will give you more freedom. I will talk to him about it.”

“I don’t want to go with him.” I was close to tears now, “You had promised me that we will have fun; that you will show me new places and new animals. We were going to do this together.”

“I am really sorry, sweety.” He looked really sad now. “Believe me; I wouldn’t want to go if it wasn’t really important. I know how much you were looking forward to the vacation, but I have to go.”

“It is even more important than my vacation?” I asked indignantly.

He didn’t like that. “Yes, it is. There are many things more important than your vacation, Mila. You need to stop attaching so much importance to yourself. You need to have a bigger heart and you need to grow up.” His voice was kind but his words were harsh. And then he took all the reproof from his words by adding, “After all you will be a high school girl from next year.”

I smiled in reply but my heart really wasn’t in it. “When are you leaving?” I asked.

“Day after tomorrow. But, I will be busy with preparations for today and tomorrow. And I promise when I come back I will make it up to you. How, I don’t know, but make up I will.”

“You better keep thinking about it while you are away. And come up with something good” I warned him. “And please inform Ratan Uncle that I want to see the four new cubs. They should know me.”

“Sure, you highness!” he said lightheartedly.

“By the way, where are you going?”

“To Naini Tal and then someplace else. There are some villages there, to one of them.”

“Naini Tal! Why?”

“To kill a tiger.”

That wasn’t my father’s first excursion in hunting down man eaters as I learned later. At first I was very bemused by the idea of my father wanting to kill a tiger. Didn’t he fight the very people who do so in his national park? Didn’t he always try to prevent killing of an animal, any animal? There was a difference, as Aaji explained to me later. The people Baba wanted to stop from killing the animals, killed for their personal gain or pleasure. They killed for their sport or for the valuable animal skin. Whereas Baba had gone to kill the tiger because the tiger had become a man eater. And I remembered what he had told me about the man eating tigers. I hadn’t given it a serious thought then. And especially after seeing a few tigers actually live out their lives in the wild I just couldn’t imagine a tiger wanting to hurt a human. But if this tiger attacked humans –

“This tiger must be dangerous, no?” I asked Aaji.

“Yes, very dangerous. It has already killed many people. That’s why people approached your father.” She answered.

“Because he is very brave?”

“That and because he knows a lot about tigers. He is very good at finding them.”

“But, will he hurt Baba?”

“Not a chance dear. Your father will find that tiger first and kill him.” Aaji assured me.

And so it proved. It took my father about a month and a half to finish his job and be back. As soon as I saw him I ran to him and asked, “Did you kill that tiger, Baba?”

“You got that right, I just about managed it.” He looked very happy.

“I knew you would do it. Aaji told me so.”

He laughed and asked me, “So do the four cubs know you now?”

“I didn’t visit them.” I said a bit uncomfortably.

“Why so? You were so excited about seeing them. Did Ratan uncle say anything to you?”

“No. I just didn’t want to go.”

He looked closely at me. “What happened, Sweety?”

“I was just a bit scared, you know. I didn’t know if they will attack me.” I said apprehensively.

“Sweety,” he said soothingly, “Not all tigers are man eaters. Remember when I took you to see a tiger for the first time? Remember how close we got to him? We still have that great photograph you clicked. Now he didn’t harm you, did he? You don’t need to be scared of the animals. They won’t harm you unless you disturb them or they are injured and angry. See, they are just like us. There are some bad men. But there are many good men, too. So, because there are bad men, you don’t stop liking the good ones, do you? Listen, I will tell you a secret. I have had to kill 4 man eating tigers till now. But, I still love them. I am still not afraid of them. And come on, you are the bravest girl I have seen. If you start acting like a coward what hope do others have?”

“I am not a coward!” I responded haughtily. “We will go to see them tomorrow itself. That is, of course, if you aren’t scared of them.” But he wasn’t and we did see them. In fact, later when they were being vaccinated, I also got to touch a tiger for the first time.

Growing up was a whole lot of fun with such a great father. He never made me feel that I was a child growing up without my mother. He always made sure that he spent enough time with me. He was a doting father and never scolded me. But, the respect I always had for him made sure I rarely stepped out of line. And the best part of having him as a father was that you never felt suppressed. All my questions, no matter how irrelevant, were always answered. I was always encouraged to ask more and most importantly never told to accept any answer because I was too young to understand. Whenever I wasn’t satisfied with the answers and asked more, I wasn’t treated as a spoilt child but as a curious one. To this end, he also insisted on properly educating me. And I responded by studying with interest and intelligence. Such openness with a child – especially a girl child – in those days was unheard of. His patience in dealing with me was amazing. His calmness had a very soothing effect on me and people around him in general.

Another one of his assets was the freedom he allowed me. Apart from the freedom to satiate my curiosity he allowed me freedom to express myself. He encouraged me to take up various hobbies and communicate with the experts in those fields; to master some art. I had a liking for photography so he made sure he provided me with enough encouragement and means to pursue it effectively. I liked handling guns so he taught me how to use them. I wanted to know more about wildlife so he put me in contact with many experts whom he himself knew. It was then that he told me about my name. He asked me have I never wondered why I had been christened with a Christian name? I thought, not really – no, I hadn’t. He said I was christened so by his very good friend Tamara. A veterinarian from England – an expert on tigers. He corresponded with her regularly. And she had been visiting India when I was born. He said my mother and Aaji loved her a lot. And although my mother wasn’t around when I was christened, Aaji didn’t object because it was Tamara who thought up the name.

“What does it mean?” I asked.

“It means – Dear one.”

“Do you think I should write to her?”

“Sure, she would love that.”

As I was growing older his trips to take care of man eaters became rather more frequent. He would have to leave us at least once every two years or so. And he would be gone for a month, sometimes two months. On rare occasions he would be unsuccessful and returned merely for rest. Then he would have to go back again. But, he was not getting any younger and it was proving to be a lot more difficult for him to put himself through all the stress and rigor of going after those fit and agile natural hunters. After each such occasion he would return more worn out and unhealthy than before. And after each such occasion his time for recuperation was longer. Both I and Aaji were worried for his health. But our attempts at dissuading him were always rebuked with a disarming smile and confident assurances.

Then once he took almost 3 months to come back. We were really getting worried because we had received correspondence that he had successfully gotten rid of the man eater he was after almost a month back, yet he hadn’t turned up. Then he came back with a big scar showing four clear claw marks on his face and neck. The scars showed that the wounds had been deep and bad. The tiger’s paw had taken much of the skin off his face and neck. And the body hadn’t replenished it yet. The scars ran from right below his left eye to the end of the chin cutting up his nose and lips on their way. His once handsome face made a ghastly sight. And he couldn’t walk by himself; he was supported by Ratan uncle. I stood motionless in shock for a moment then ran forward to help Ratan uncle. Aaji started crying hysterically upon seeing him. Baba looked at her with a mixture of apology and assurance. We – Ratan uncle and me – helped him to his room and lay him down on his bed. Ratan uncle went to fetch his luggage as I examined the wounds closely. I had gained quite a bit of knowledge about injuries caused by animal accidents – thanks to Tamara aunty. Upon examining them I found they had been tended to adequately and there was nothing an amateur healer – me – could do. I would call a doctor soon enough, I thought. Ratan uncle came in with his luggage then and told me he had already sent for a doctor. Baba was now trying to console Aaji who had kept up with her crying. I didn’t say anything then. By and by the doctor came and examined his wounds. He also nodded satisfactorily and only prescribed pain killers in case there was a headache. Ratan uncle had stayed till then. After making sure everything was in order he made Baba promise that he would not be back at his job until he had completely regained his health. I escorted him to the door as he left and expressed my gratitude for his help. He asked me not to be silly, patted me affectionately and left. I closed the door and went to my father’s room.

“I will not let you out of my sight again.” Aaji was telling him in quivering voice. I again didn’t say anything but looked at him with open hostility.

“Are you also angry?” he asked me.

“Should I be?” I answered his question by one of my own.

“I must say, you have every right to.”

“Every right, he says!” This time his calmness was infuriating. “Do you have any idea what you look like? Do you have any idea what must I and Aaji have gone through for last month or so? Do you have any idea what we are going through right now?”

“I believed I did. But perhaps I underestimated the force of it.” He was unruffled by my fit of emotion. It was maddening.

“Now that you have seen the force will you, sir, please be kind enough to take it into account and spare us the suffering again?” I asked acidly.

“I will surely consider it before making any decisions.”

I closed my eyes and swore through clenched teeth, not paying heed that I was doing so in front of elders. “I will tell you this straight and you will listen to me. If you love me and if you love Aaji you will never again put us through this ordeal again. We cannot stand the strain of it and next time you go hunting for a man eater I am sure I will die of brain hemorrhage. Do you understand?”

He looked at me in a resigned way. And after what seemed like an age he said, “I will not put you through such an ordeal again, as you wish. Anyway, I am getting on with my age. My nerves aren’t what they used to be and my senses are certainly not as sharp. I might as well stay home.” And he actually smiled. I couldn’t believe it; the man’s calm was monolithic.

The house was unusually quiet that day. After we all had had our dinner, I helped Baba back to his room. As I was leaving to let him rest, he asked me if I could stay for a while.

“Of course” I said and sat near him. I held his hand in my lap.

“I made a mistake. An error of judgment. An error of a tired and old mind. And a man paid for it with his life and I with these scars. I should have returned for rest, you know.”

I sat there in silence listening to him.

“But, the trick is to keep going, to keep doing your best. For people like us, who have a gift, it is important to put it to good use. It is important not to get bogged down by your conscience for the many you could have saved, but to employ your talent and save as many as you can going ahead. It then only adds to our guilt then when we know we could be out there helping out rather than sitting at home. It makes us feel that somehow we are responsible for people’s death because we didn’t help. And it is not the guilt of not managing to save so many men in my past, but the guilt of so many men I have decided to let die in the future that bothers me.” He stopped talking and took deep breaths.

He was exhausted even because of this little talk. So, I forced him to sleep and left once he had done so. I understood why he had told me what he had. He needed to keep going, he may lose his life but then he could save lives of so many others. He needed me to understand this.

Despite that little talk, he kept his promise well. For nearly 5 years, he didn’t bother himself with man eaters. I on my part got busy with my education and hobbies. For the first time I left home to pursue my education. And then one day when I was home on a vacation, the inevitable happened. My father received a letter from one of his friends. A notorious tiger by the name of the Cannibal was troubling his village and he wanted Baba to help. I knew about the tiger. He had been making headlines for quite a while now. He had been on the loose for a long time and many a gamesman had failed to get rid of him. I was wondering when the government would think of roping in my father and was surprised they hadn’t already. What I didn’t know was that they had tried but my father had refused. It took a desperate plea for help from a friend to make his mind up.

Aaji was very apprehensive and kept trying to change Baba’s mind. But I knew better. The trick for him was to keep going on. He had to put his gift to good use. But Aaji just didn’t give up.

“Aaji,” Baba said soothingly, “I have to go. Please don’t make it hard for me. Listen, we will do one thing. We will set a deadline. Two months. If I don’t succeed in two months I will come back and come back for good. Okay now?”

“You promise you will come back? You promise you will come back to me?” There was a catch in her voice.

“You have my word.” He put his arms around her as she cried freely. He, on the other hand, was as cool as he had been all his life.

As he made off I felt assured. I knew my father always kept his word.